Aim for the Head

You might notice a small addition to the movie round-up.  I will now Photoshop an amalgam of the movie posters to accompany the post each week.  Enjoy!

Takers:

You know, part of me watches this trailer and wants to make fun of it.  Another part of me thinks that the movie might actually be fun and even a bit thrilling.  When I’m split like this it often means I won’t go to the theater, but I do think I’ll seek this out on video.  One thing is for sure though, all of me agrees than Hayden Christensen’s hat looks downright silly.  What the hell were they thinking?

The Last Exercism:

I managed to see a screening of this film a couple weeks ago.  My opinion of it then, and it hasn’t changed, is that they put together a very nice movie.  It has tense moments, and the lack of a soundtrack adds to the feel of it… and then they completely blow it in the final scenes of the film.  I was so dissatisfied with how it ended that it actually made me wish I hadn’t enjoyed the earlier bits.  Completely not worth the $10 unless you really really really feel the need, but when it hits DVD it’s worth seeing at home.  Alone.  With the lights off.  Did you hear something?

Avatar: Special Edition:

It isn’t really fair to put this here. It’s not a new film, and the 9 extra minutes just makes me want to punch James Cameron in the face, because it’s like when they release a DVD, then later that same year they put out a Special Edition, and then the next year they put out a 2 disc Special Edition.  Screw you!  On the other hand, the only way to truly see this film is in 3D on the big screen, so another theatrical run makes sense.  I’ll probably end up seeing this again.  I am both a sad and happy panda.

I’m going to start the review of Scott Sigler’s Infected by simply saying that I enjoyed it.  I probably wouldn’t recommend it to anyone with a weak stomach as parts of the book are fairly graphic in detailing damage to the human body, but it is a good read.  The book follows two main threads.  The first thread is about a typical team of government folks tracking down the source of a possible virus that might be a terrorist weapon.  The second thread follows one of the people who is infected with what the government is trying to track down.

You might want to stop reading here as I’m about to go all spoilery.  Yep, spoilers from this point.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Perry Dawsey is the name of the infected man.  A former football player and survivor of a childhood of abuse at his father’s hands have made him a tough son of a bitch, which is how he manages to make it through so many of the things that happen to him… or rather, that he does to himself.  The virus is this book is actually an alien life form.  Microscopic seeds land on a person, and given the right mix of temperature and moisture and other conditions, they can dig in and start their work.  Dawsey gets covered in these spores, it is never said how, and eight of them manage to begin their work.  These spores are like machines, they read DNA and adapt and begin building the structures they need do their work.  Dawsey’s spores are on his forehead (though that one dies off early), his right shin, his left thigh, his chest (near the collar bone), his back (high, right over the spine), his ass cheek, his forearm and his testicle.  As the story progresses, and as the spores develop into rashes, then bizarre orange scaly skin, then to blue triangles beneath the surface that start talking to him as they awaken, Dawsey takes them out, one by one.  Tearing one out, then another, stabbing, burning and more.  All of which Sigler describes in fantastic detail.  Did I mention there was one on his balls?  Reading it was uncomfortable to say the least.  Unsettling.  And yet, the story drew me in as Dawsey persevered, almost thrived on survival.

The other half of the book, about the team trying to find and fight this new threat, is well written, but fairly standard for this type of book.  That isn’t to say it’s bad, it’s just… unsurprising.  The only real breath of fresh air here is that the tale lacks a fresh young recruit who shows up the older members.  And this is a good thing.  The story doesn’t need it.

In the end, I’m satisfied with the book and looking forward to reading the sequel in the future.

Lottery Ticket:

I’m sure someday I’ll watch this on DVD, but I won’t be spending $10 to see this in the theater.  No way, no how.

Nanny McPhee Returns:

I’m certain, like the first film, this will be good for families and kids.  I does look decent.  But I’ve got no desire to see it myself, especially since I haven’t seen the first one.

The Switch:

Looks funny.  I mean, a jilted friend who decides to deposit his own sperm instead of the carefully selected donor from the sperm bank, how could this not be funny?  Well, it could fall flat, but the preview looks decent.  I probably won’t see this in the theater, but I’ll surely watch it on DVD.

Vampires Suck:

These cheap, yet high grossing, parody films keep on rolling.  I wish I could invest in them.  I hate them.  Watching them makes my eyes and ears bleed, but I’d gladly make money off them if I could.  The only possible redeeming quality here is that they will be lampooning the Twilight movies, which themselves are almost as bad as these parody films.

Piranha 3D:

If I go to see a movie this weekend, this is the movie I’ll go see.  The cast is great.  It’s a remake of a monster movie that I love.  And it is likely to exploit the hell out of the 3D just like old 3D horror films, with stuff jabbing and exploding toward the audience.  Sadly, the wife has no desire to see this film, so it is up to me to find some friends to go see it while she’s at work or something.  Piranha 3D must be seen… in 3D.

Seth Grahame-Smith exploded onto the scene last year (after having several other books published) with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a book I still haven’t read.  It was so successful that the “classic text mash-up” genre now practically has its own aisle at the bookstore.  Taking a slightly different approach in his next endeavor, Grahame-Smith wrote Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.  Rather than taking an old text and playing with it, instead he’s taking history and filling in the gaps with his own crafted tale.

The story follows old Honest Abe from his childhood through his Presidency and weaves around it a tale of revenge and vampires and a country nearly brought to its knees.  I was skeptical as hell going in.  That same skepticism is what has kept me from reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  A tale like this is either going to be a monumental waste of time, or a masterpiece.  Based on my reading of this book, I’m now more interested to go read P&P&Z.

I’m not a history buff, and I’m not familiar with the true story of Abraham Lincoln other than what they taught me in school.  But the tale told here steps in and out and around his life in such a fashion that it is so easy to believe that it just might be true.  It isn’t true, right?  Vampires don’t really exist… right?

Anyway, I would gladly recommend this book to just about anyone with the only caveat being that some of the early book can be slow, but sticking with it is totally and completely worth it.  I haven’t read a book that ended this well in a very long time.

Eat Pray Love:

A woman’s journey to self-discovery. I’m not going to be first in line to see this, but I haven’t been disappointed by many of Julia Roberts movies so I’ll be sure to catch this on Netflix when it is available.

The Expendables:

I had an opportunity to see a screening of this, but a conflict prevented me. Given the cast of action stars and what I’ve seen in the trailer this is going to be one hell of a ride. If I can find the time, I’ll be seeing this this wekend.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World:

I did see a screening of this, and it was great fun. As a long time gamer myself I loved the references and imagery. Outside that however the movie is a typical boy chases girl type of film. So if the gamer angle doesn’t appeal, you might want to skip it. As for me, I might go see it again.

Step Up 3-D:

If you are inclined to see a movie about dancing, you could probably do worse than this.  I mean, all of them – to me – are kinda hokey, but if handled right the 3D could actually add a nice bit of depth to the action.  I wouldn’t spend $13 on it myself, but it might be worth it to others.

The Other Guys:

If not for Will Ferrell, I’d be guaranteed to see this movie this weekend.  The plot sounds good, and I like every other actor in the film.  Even Will Ferrell isn’t always bad – I loved him in Stranger Than Fiction – but from the preview it seems he’s playing this in the usual “look at me and be embarrassed by my actions” comedy.  Likely, this is due to Adam McKay, who is responsible for all of Will Ferrell’s worst work, in my opinion.  I’ll surely catch this on Netflix, and I’m sure this will be huge for Will’s usual fans, but I wouldn’t spend my $10 to see this one at the theater.

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore:

Do I even have to say, “No”?  I shouldn’t have to, but I will.  No.

Charlie St. Cloud:

This movie isn’t getting good reviews.  The few good ones call it a sentimental tearjerker, so if you are into those sorts of films, perhaps you’ll enjoy it.  For me, I don’t mind the tearjerkers, but I’m not going to pay $10 for this.  Someday the wife and I will watch it on Netflix.

Dinner for Schmucks:

I don’t think I could do it.  If my boss told me to come to a dinner and bring an idiot for us to make fun of, I’d probably start looking for another job.  However, watching other people do it?  That’s comedy!  To be honest, I went in to the screening I saw of this movie expecting it to be stupid, but it managed to be funny, heartwarming and creepy.  At moments it was downright hilarious.  You could easily find worse ways to spend your hard earned money.

Ramona and Beezus:

Based on the Beverly Cleary book Ramona Forever, obviously this is a family film.  From the trailer it looks to be fun and probably worth the trip to the theater with the kids.

Salt:

I really wanted to be able to come here and say you should run to the theater and see this movie.  I wanted to, but then I saw it.  Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t suck.  It has some good action and the plot twists are kinda neat (if a tad predictable), but I’m over my “My god! Angelina is so beautiful! Lust lust lust!!” phase.  Sometimes she is a good actress, and sometimes she isn’t.  She just didn’t get me to care about her character one way or the other.  On top of that, I’m getting to the point where I don’t buy her as an action star.  It could be my aversion to ultra skinny women, but her lack of a substance, to me, hurts because I can’t really get behind her toting around big guns and simultaneously kicking the asses of a half dozen guys when I think the kick of the weapons would knock her down or that any one of those trained fighters she’s up against could overpower her.  Anyway, if you don’t mind that and you just want to go see an action movie, this one is worth seeing, though I suggest going to an earlier show to get a cheaper price.  If you don’t need to see the movie, skip it, and wait for the rental.

This weekend I finally turned the last page of Cherie Priest’s Boneshaker.  It took me nearly two months to polish this one off, and I feel like I both enjoyed it and didn’t enjoy it at the same time.

First off, the book contains two elements I like: steampunk and zombies.  The story is thus: In 1880s America (or there about), Seattle has been partly/largely destroyed by an event in which a machine ran amok, dug a giant hole under the city causing the release of some weird gas that makes people sick and turns them to zombies.  The remains of the city are walled up and a small industry has risen from the distillation of the gas into other products (drugs mostly).  People still live in the walled city, pumping in safe air from high up (the weird gas is heavy and sits within the walls like liquid in a bowl) and using gas masks when needing to venture outside.  The son of the man responsible, having never known his father, enters the city to learn more, and his mother goes in after him.  Overall, a well formed world is crafted by Priest and the elements of the tale are interesting.  If you really love zombies or steampunk, I recommend the book.

On the other hand, if you aren’t hardcore into either or both, I might wave you off.  Priest’s book is dense.  She is working hard to craft a world here, and sometimes I felt like that got in the way of the story.  Numerous times, for me, the book came to a halt while she took the time to describe objects and places and how things were.  In stark contrast, her action sequences were quick and lively, and made the non-action seem that much slower.  Because of this, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

So, I cautiously recommend Boneshaker.  I enjoyed it overall, but at times felt like I was slogging through it just to finish.

Standing Ovation:

If you like those Disney movies about singing kids, you’ll probably like this too, and so will most kids. Of the three opening films this weekend, this is the best one for families.  Not really my cup of tea, though it is highly likely I will see this some day after it shows up on Netflix.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice:

I am a sucker for magic and fantasy.  And despite him being quite awful in a number of films, I always find myself wanting to like anything that Nicolas Cage is in.  The special effects look great, and the trailer has me hooked, and even Mr. Cage appears to not be awful.  If I go to the theater this weekend, it’ll be either to catch up on an older film I missed (damn you free passes that excluded the first couple weeks of release!) or it’ll be to see this movie.

Inception:

But really, the only reason The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is at the top of my list is because I’ve already seen Inception.  I’m going to try do describe this movie without spoiling it.  Have you seen the movie Dreamscape from 1984?  In that film, specially gifted people could enter the dreams of others and try to help them defeat their nightmares.  How about The Cell from 2000?  Here, a woman who enters dreams to help people takes on the task of going into a comatose serial killer to locate his final victim before they die.  Inception has its roots in the same ground.  The mind and dreams are important.  In this case, Leonardo DiCaprio as Cobb leads a group of people who are thieves.  They call it extraction.  They enter the mind of a dreamer and get at the secrets he holds.  But they are hired to do something different this time, to plant a new idea into a target’s mind.  The movie is almost two and a half hours long and I’ve just described the first, maybe, twenty minutes, in broad strokes leaving out the juicy details, and that’s all I can really say.  That’s all I want to say, because you must see this movie.  I can’t even tell you why you should see it without spoiling the film.  Visually, the movie is stunning.  It is fabulously paced, and there isn’t a single bad performance by any actor, though in my opinion Joseph Gordon-Levitt came out on top.  Totally worth your hard earned ticket money this weekend.