9 July 1998

Some time just shortly before noon, Clan DoS died.
DoS, the Disciples of Syrinx (not satanic, its from a Rush song), was the gaming clan that I was in for the last… jeez… almost 2 years. Over the past 6-8 months however, we fell on some hardships as RealLife(tm) set upon many of us.. myself included at times. I like to think I did a nice write up on the closing of our doors, check it out, http://www.clandos.com . Now, so very unlike me, I’m going to quote myself:
“Well… even though I’m one of the guys who helped make the decision to disband the clan, it’s kind of like when they have to shoot Old Yeller… he’s your best friend, he’d give his life for you and you’d do the same, but it just needs doing… Ending the clan hurts… but so does anything worth having… memories more valuable than gold, my friends, that’s what life is all about…”
I actually said that. I look back on that and think, where the hell was I when this got said. It’s like it’s not even me. Same with the write up on the clan page. But then something happened about 30 minutes after I said that and signed off IRC and was working on my webpage.
I still love computer games and comic books… I like cartoons… but somehow… in the last couple of weeks… really the last couple of days… I’ve grown up. Not so much that I forget what it’s like to be a child… but somehow, I saw all this coming… my new job, the clan disbanding, and other things… and I’ve come to understand the world a little bit in places I didn’t before. Things I did yesterday that seemed so cool and fun, today seem irresponsible, like a waste of a few of the precious moments we are given here on this Earth, like time I could have better spent somewhere else, on something else.
I’ve always held that I never regret anything that I have done in my life. And I still don’t. Because I cannot regret the things that made me who I am today because I like who I am, and I would not be the same if I had not made those mistakes that I made. But for the first time I see that maybe, just maybe, I can keep myself from wasting time… from wasting life… on things that in the end give me nothing in return, no sadness, no joy, no “memories more valuable that gold”…
Today is just a sad, sad day all around…
…Tomorrow will be better, if not by nature then I will make it so.
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Theater Review: [none]
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Today’s Song: Oven by Seven Mary Three. Just kind of fits my mood today.
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Today’s Movie: Crossing The Bridge. This is one of those films you’ll never see if you aren’t the kind of person who takes chances on videos you have never heard of. It’s written and directed by Mike Binder, who also did Indian Summer (another good one). It’s just a good movie about three close friends. Makes me feel good when I watch it.

2 July 1998

Hrmm… I’ve got that rant waiting to go up but I think I’m gonna hold off for now…
I’ve been making alot of progress on my web page… the Pavilion is looking better (graphics still need a little work)… and I’ve been working privately on my North 5 page… but until I can iron out my new work schedule and all that I’m not putting too much into it. But I will.
Short .plan today… this weekend (or next week after work) I’ll rant anew.
I do have a new section that will appear periodically, but will mostly remain empty…
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Theater Review: Armageddon (or as pronounced by a friend of mine, Ar-Mega-Don… he must be fighting Godzilla). This movie kicks some serious ass. If you saw Deep Impact then you know the plot, only without the underground caves to “save humanity”. In DI they had quite a long time before the comet would hit and they trained and stuff. In Armageddon they get 18 days. And I still hold to my original “before viewing” opinion of these 2 movies… DI had better plot and character developement, but Armageddon was a wild ride with better effects and action, and it wasn’t as much of a downer as DI. Armageddon has you cheering at points, but DI never let you get out of the “we’re all doomed” funk until the happy speech at the end. But back to the movie at hand… Armageddon just kicked ass… it was a ride… edge-of-your-seat, eyes-plastered-open film. See it on the big screen in full Dolby Digital Sound… it’s worth it at twice the price.
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Today’s Song: How Soon Is Now by too many people to name. I borrowed some CD’s from people and some of my own and listened to a bunch of different versions of this song, and it’s all good. First there is The Smiths, the original… then I had the Love Spit Love version from the Craft soundtrack… and there is a version by Everclear on compliation CD that I can’t recall the name of at the moment. I know there are more but I just can’t put them all down in my head. Every version of that song is cool.
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Today’s Movie: No movie today… I saw Armageddon last night, what more do you want from me?!?!

23 June 1998

Today seems short. Had a good interview today, maybe a job will come of it. I like them. They seem to like me. Decent pay, good benefits. Here’s to hoping, should hear from them again to-morrow.
After that I had some… bizarre job calls. Atlanta has one of the largest (if not THE largest) IT job markets in the nation, yet people keep calling, talking about jobs out of state, and even with my resume on 4 different job boards and talking to a dozen or more placement agencies, I can’t seem to get very many people to hear me out around here. Though I must say, if someone from Florida, say the Tampa/Clearwater area, were to call with a job offer, I wouldn’t turn them down. :)
Anyhow, now to today’s tale… about 2 1/2 weeks ago, on a Friday night, my watchband broke. No big deal. It’s happened before. The following Monday, I had an interview. I didn’t feel like getting a new watchband, so I searched my room and found an old watch I hadn’t worn in awhile. It looked better for interview purposes anyway, it’s gold with a brown band as opposed to the other which was a black plastic sports watch. So, I put it on and notice the battery is dead. I head to the store on my way to the interview and get a new one. So today, 2 weeks later, I’m walking into the building where I have my interview today and this guys asks me what time it is… simple enough, I look at my watch and then kind of give him this puzzled look as I say, “I don’t know.” It seems that my watch had devoured the battery, because it was dead again. I even fiddled with it to see if maybe it just wasn’t contacting fully in the watch. But while I was sitting, waiting for the interview, and during the whole process (I was interviewed by 6 people, and only 6 because the 7th guy was on an important call) I kept thinking about the watch, trying to figure out where and when it had gone dead. After a while of thought, it occurred to me that the last time I had looked at my watch was when I had put the battery in and set the time and made sure it was running, which means I looked at it again maybe twice in the next 20 minutes to see if the hands were still moving. In 2 weeks I hadn’t looked at my watch, not once. Even when I put it on and take it off, I don’t look at it, not the time anyway. I always just grab it off the dresser and put it on, or unband it and toss it on the dresser. It even occurred to me that 4 days ago, on Friday the 19th, I had asked someone else what the time was at the movie theater, when I myself was wearing a watch. It just seems odd to me… because I know that I used to look at my watch all the time… back when I was working. I don’t mean to say that in 2 weeks I hadn’t looked at a clock… no… I have my alarm clock so I know when to leave the house to get where I’m headed by the time I’m supposed to be there, and I’ve checked the time on the TV so I know when to change the channel to catch my favorite shows, all while I’m wearing a watch. In any event, all this just kept me thinking all day… about time… and at about 1pm today, just as I was reaching home (with a new watch battery in pocket) it finally dawned on my what had changed to make me not use my watch. A subtle difference in my life… I no longer wanted out. Whenever I use a clock today, or ask what time it is, is because I have a time to be somewhere or I’m waiting for something to begin… 6 months ago, while I was working at my last job, I looked at my watch all the time because I wanted to know when I could leave. I was counting down to ends instead of beginnings… Needless to say, I am much happier these days than I was 6 months ago. I guess the lesson here is, if you are counting the minutes to get “out” as opposed to the minutes to get “in”, then maybe it’s time the situation changed.
Well, that was long… I’m sure it’ll happen again…
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Today’s Song: Girlfriend by Matthew Sweet… just before getting to my interview today this song came on the radio… good tune… great vibe… brought me up to the level of energy I needed for the interview.
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Today’s Movie: Nick of Time. While my head was spinning with time today, I pulled this movie out of my archives and watched it again. Pretty good film. I like the idea of a movie filmed in “real-time”. And Christopher Walken is always a plus.

22 June 1998

Well, finally getting the hang of dealing with GeoCities… the watermark they put on the page is cool, but that huge GeoGuide is kinda… well… huge. But I put is on my “Thanks” page so since it exists, maybe I won’t see the GeoPop again (that’s the little GeoCities Ad window that pops up, email me if you see it and tell me where).
Got a little done on Logan5′s Gaming Pavilion. I’m not totally happy with the colors… but maybe when I’m finished it’ll look better.
Oh… and I’m still looking for a job. I have an interview tomorrow for a job I don’t want, but at this point, a job is a job is a job. Money is money, and I need money.
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Today’s Song: The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe… “When I was young I knew everything…” I am by no means old… but even at 23 I’m beginning to see this alot… all that I thought I knew comes into question eventually… It’s that childhood feeling of immortallity that I think I miss most. And on the note of growing older and learning more I’m throwing in a bonus song of the day: Against the Wind by Bob Seger. “I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.” If it doesn’t hit you, read it again…. think on it awhile.
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Today’s Movie: Watch It. While I’m on the roll of spitting out quotes that mean either nothing or everything in the right light, this movie is good, and it’s got one of my favorite quotes. This guy meets a girl, they get together a bit, and he tells her he’s temporary and when summer comes he may be moving on. So she pushes off and gets back together with her old boyfriend (the guy’s childhood friend) who is a total louse and treats her bad, cheats on her. Anyway, the guy winds up at her front door one night and she goes into this long narrative about how he rejected her and that if he’s feeling lost now it’s his own fault. The whole time he’s quiet, until she finishes. She says, “Well… what do you have to say?” His line, the one that I like, “I don’t know that I don’t love you.” And he walks off… You may not agree, but I like that line, to me it says alot. Anyhow, it’s a good movie… I just wish I could find a group of my friends who would be willing to play the game they play in the movie.

18 June 1998

I keep going to these job interviews where they give me a logic test. On average they are about 25 questions long. Most are aaround 20-25 but then there was that one company that had a 78 question test. In any event, I go to these places and they hand me the test and say, “I hope you have plenty of time, this’ll take about 2 1/2 hours… maybe 3.” 30 minutes later I turn the test back in and miss maybe 2 or 3, but more often none (I missed 10 on the 78 question test). They laud praise on me like I’m the best thing since sliced bread, and then DON’T offer me a job.
Am I missing something?
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Today’s Song: Radiation Vibe by Fountains of Wayne… it’s been a while since I loaded this album in the CD player (happens when you have 400 CDs), but after another disappointing job interview hearing this tune just made me smile… a feel good song.
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Today’s Movie: Westworld. After watching Outland I’ve been getting into this “older” sci-fi mode. If you have never seen Westworld, do so… Yul Brenner as a gunfighting rogue android is worth it alone.

17 June 1998

I finally decided to bear down and really learn something. I’m preparing for when Half-Life comes out, and I’m hoping it will be an open enough game that you can make homegrown mods on it like Quake II. I’m going to sketch it all out and hopefully do it for HL… but if I can’t I’ll try Q2.
Anyhow… there is that… and I’m going to also start working out some map ideas for TF2. And I think I need to teach myself Visual Basic for a job I might interview for.
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Today’s Song: The Warrior by Scandal… I know it’s trash 80′s, but I had it in my CD player and when that came on I spawned as a sniper and made 11 kills in 11 shots. Sometimes I kick ass.
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Today’s Movie: Outland. 1, it has Sean Connery. 2, it has guys depressurising in deep space. And 3, it’s what I’m going to base my mod on.

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